Time has been on the fast track lately.
It is getting so fast that it gives me no time to react.
I need really to neglect how my SLR camera would feel, and I need to find a place for a romantic dinner and a pleasant chat.
Every time I take a plane and ascend to an altitude of 8km, I would have a feeling that my body gets emptied and that my brain gets cleared. I am then able to let down everything and think about all the emotions that I have tried to escape from. Anxiety, inability, excitement, talkativeness, evasion, desire, all these big-shots in my emotional world begin to have a retrospective meeting around the table.
「Psycho.」
Abstract in adolescence. Psychotic in youth. Scampish in middle age.
When we were teenagers, life was as tasteless as water, and days passed by without any change.
In our twenties, you said we were broke, and how about eating instant noodles for the entire month.
In our thirties, you said, youth? Where the fxxk is our youth? We have only days and months now.
It’s the end of August, and I wonder whether there are still rapeseed flowers in Menyuan. A flower blooms for a tree, and one smile spreads for one friend.
In those days when I was busy dancing with the pace of life, I did not send you a flower when I was 16, nor did I give you a house when I was 26. I wish I would be able to buy you a glass of mao-tai when I am 38. When I am 42, it will be the end of the 10-year plan. We will tell our stories. You will share with me yours and I will share you mine, which will be the most cherished hours in my life. For the rest of my life, I would like to fill a gap, choose a city, take one person with me, and nourish together a relationship.
I said before that I could only write code and that I could not write trashy words or poems. Maybe I can change. I can write a poem with your name in it.
People living near the sea. Oh no, it is really only near the sea. About several kilometers away from the sea.
Live in my own house, and get woken up by the chirps of the birds. Look out the window at the playful kids and idle old people. The wind that whistles by separates a year into two seasons, always agitating or sobering.
Let bygones be bygones. There are plenty of good sceneries. Even the sunset can be immensely beautiful. Life is full of unexpected encounters. Let’s just wish.
After I got off the plane, my little brother came to pick me up. It was at that moment that I began to realize for how long my heart had remained hollow. Always trying to escape is a kind of sickness, a chemical that brings about only silence.
Our frankness, though intangible, promotes our growth consistently. And meanwhile, we still cherish the hope to travel around the world.
Several lonely stars hang above in the night sky. Aimless, listless, just like life.
Missing has no shape, and you have never gone far away from my mind.
When I was young, I did not want to go back home. But I would count stars for a whole night.
More often than not, we can be very straightforward.
You did not look back, and I did not tell you to stay.
「OMG, I just realize I am turning 40.」
『So, what’s your plan for the rest of your life?』
「Well, the typhoon is coming.」
『Yeah, the typhoon is coming.』
I raise my head, and get myself overwhelmed in the sobering sea wind.
END
